Sunday, March 22, 2009

Tam Pattern

I use a K hook. You can use virtually any yarn.

Ch 4, join with sl st
Round 1: ch2, 11dc in ring, join
Round 2: ch3, 2dc in each dc around. Join with a sl st to 3rd ch of beg ch-3.
Round 3: ch4. (dc, c1) in each st. Join with a sl st to 3rd ch of beg ch-4. (24dc
and 24 ch-1 sps)
Round 4: ch3. dc in each dc and sp around. Join with a sl st to 3rd ch of beg ch-
3. (48dc)
Round 5: ch3. dc in same st as joining. dc in next 3 sts. *2dc in next st, dc in
next 3 sts. Repeat from * around. Join with a sl st to 3rd ch of beg ch-3. (60dc)
Round 6: ch4. sk next dc. *(dc, ch1) in next st, sk nest st. Repeat from * around.
Join with a sl st to 3rd ch of beg ch-4. (30dc and 30 ch-1 sps)

Round 7: ch3. dc in each dc and sp around. Join with a sl st to 3rd ch of beg ch-3. (60dc)
Round 8: ch3. dc in each dc around. Join with a sl st to 3rd ch of beg ch-3.
Round 9-11: repeat rows 6, 7, and 8.
Round 12: repeat row 6.
Round 13: ch1. sc in same st as joining and next 2 sts. Sc2tog over the next 2
sts. *sc in next 3 sts, sc2tog over the next 2 sts. Repeat from * around. Join
with a sl st to first sc. (48sc)
Round 14-17: ch1. sc in same st as joining and each sc around. Join with a sl st
to first sc (48sc)

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Toxic Waste ?

I took L-Bizzle out for our usual jaunt outside today. We always walk around the common, but the weather was mighty fine, so I decided we should walk around the cemetery. There was tons of freshly buried bodies. More so than I've ever seen at one time. L-Bizzle was very interested in them. I had to pull her away with ferocity.


As we we strolling around the perimiter, I noticed a path into the woods. L and I hopped over the stone wall and followed the beaten path. Off the path sat a few busted ass shacks and crypt-type structures. They were covered in signs that exclaimed "keep out" and what not.


The ground was disgusting and soggy from melting snow. I had to keep my eyes on the ground to make sure I didn't sink in the mud or trip over rocks and branches. Then, I found this strange footprint. I examined it closely. Scanning through my vast knowledge of the paranormal, I quickly identified it as a Chupacabra print.


We kept trucking along the path for about an hour. About 20 yards aside from us, I saw an orange sign in what looked like an empty pond. The sign said "biohazard waste. Keep out". I thought to myself "what the crap?!"


On the opposite side of the toxic waste ditch was this lovely little brook.


I had to cut the rest of the hike short because I drank a 24 ounce monster before we left. I had to pee. I got to thinking on the way back.
Why were there so many fresh graves ?
Why is there toxic waste dumps in the wilderness.
Was that a Chupacabra print ?

The fresh graves must be because the dead are rising because of the toxic waste dump. The river is carrying the waste into the cemetery. Or, The waste is being carried into the cemetery and creating super human mutations. They're probably not flesh eating zombies because they would have been here to eat our brains by now. SOMEONE must know about this because these corpses are being reburied.....

Friday, March 20, 2009

Spiney Kauffman Newsboy Hat Pattern

I've been cruising through Google Analytics a lot lately and I've noticed that some of you hookers were searching directly for my Kauffman hat pattern.


Here's the pattern for the spiney hat without a brim.

You're going to need a size I Boye hook. Any worsted weight yarn will be fine.

ch 5,join with sl st to first ch to form ring.
Rnd 1:Ch 2(counts as a dc),11 dc in ring.Join with sl st to top of ch-2(12 dc).
Rnd 2:Ch 2,dc in same st.2 dc in each st around.Join(24 dc).
Rnd 3:Ch 2,dc in next st,FPDc around same st.*Dc in next st,dc in next st & FPDc around same st.Rep from * around.Join(36 dc).
Rnd 4:Ch 2,dc in next st,dc in next st & FPDc around same st(the FPDc will be made around the FPDc of prevrnd) .*Dc in next 2 sts,dc in next st & FPDc around same st.Rep from * around.Join(48 dc).
Rnd 5:Ch 2,dc in next 2 sts,dc in next st & FPDc around same st.*Dc in next 3 st,dc in next st & FPDc around same st.Rep from * around.Join(60 dc).
Rnd 6:Ch 2,dc in next 3 st,dc in next st & FPDc around same st.*Dc in next 4 st,dc in next st & FPDc around same st.Rep from * around.Join(72 dc).
Rnd 7-11:Ch 2,dc in next 4 st,Fpdc around next st.*Dc in next 5 st,FPDc around next st.Rep from * around.Join(72 dc).
Rnd 12:Ch 1,sc in same st and in next 3 st,Dec.*Sc in next 4 st,Dec.Rep from * around.Join(60 sc).Fasten off CA.Join CB in same st with sl st.
Rnd 13-15:Ch 1(does not count as a st),hdc in same st and in each st around.Join with sl st in top of first hdc(60 hdc).
Rnd 16:Ch 1,sc in same st and in each st around.Join(60 sc).

If you feel it's too loose, just add a few more decreases in round 12.


Thursday, March 19, 2009

Last house on the left


The Last House on the Left (1979) is by far one of my favorite movies. It's a real treat for the eyes. I feel a little sour when I hear a human say that they're going to see this remake. Mainly, because they have no idea of the original. They're going to walk out of the theater jabbering about how it sucked. Then, they'll never give the original a chance.
I heard about this remake a few years ago via Fangoria. I just didn't even understand why this was happening. There is no way you can recapture such a disturbing movie.
No women will actually be peeing themselves. No soggy 70's boobs. No eerie 70's feel. No way can this remake be any good.

But, I'll be hitting up the theatres to see it because I just can't help it.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Next blog!

I've been dabbling with the "next blog" feature for quite some time this evening. And my conclusion is:

There are only 3 kinds of people that use blogspot.

1. People from France

2. People from Etsy

3. People who love glory holes

Bendy is still disgruntled

I'm still debating. If this person knew I have all day.
She replied to my last message and told me to check out the bullet points of do's and don'ts.
This is my response.

So basically the Do's and Don'ts that aren't bullet pointed have no bearing on anything. If no one has to follow them, they should be taken down, as they can be misconstrued by users, such as myself, who thought they may have had some sort of meaning. After all, they are in the "Do's and Don'ts", yet you aren't required to do, or not do any of those things.
I don't understand the problem here. Hats aren't for smelling. And sellers shouldn't be punsihed for buyers imaginations. I really don't understand why I'm not being helped. I went to the section you told me to. I found the parts that were in violation, and yet, nothing.
Please help me understand this:
-It is ok to leave poor feedback if you imagine an item to be different than it's described, even if the item has exact measurements using a measurement system which has been a nationwide standard for over 400 years.

-An Item arriving exactly as pictured is a bad thing, and negative feedback is justifyable.

-If an item does not appeal to sense that is not used regarding the item, negative feedback is ok. I.e. Soap tasting bad is a legitimate reason to leave negative feedback?

If those things are true, I would like it confirmed so I can plan future listings accordingly. So we won't have to go through this again. If I have to say how a hat will feel, look, taste, smell, and sound, as well offer no gauruntee regarding your imagination, I will do so at Etsy's confirmation that this is what needs to be done to make a proper listing.

Thank you

Original post = Disgruntled

Friday, March 13, 2009

One step closer.

I'm in a blog and a treasury!

And an Etsy treasury!


Thanks to everyone!

Surrealism at it's best.

I was rummaging through my attic today and I found this gem.
Painted by Dann, maybe 13 years ago.
This treasure is now on ebay.

Here's the original art for comparison


Here's the painting


Here's the description;

Original Acrylic Painting of Jimi Hendrix

Inspired by the cover of VooDoo Soup

This painting was done by me when I was in the 8th grade. It's acrylic paint on a canvas panel. Despite my teachers repeated warnings that the original was watercolor and wouldn't look right in Acrylic, I proceeded anyways. That's what art is about after all. Rebelling against the man's rules of what art is. I'm kind of like Andy Warhol, but with a better haircut.
I got a C for this, if I remember correctly.

I put the original picture next to my work so you can compare and be in awe. I took some artistic liberties with this. For example I made 2 smaller bowls of radishes, instead of the one larger one. To show the duality of mankind's chakra or something, or for space constraints.. Also, he's holding his spoon like a cigarette in my version. Perhaps to show that cigarettes look cool when our idols hold them? Or just maybe it's because hands are really hard to draw and paint. I also put a very bold outline around some things, while other things (like his face) have no outline at all. This is to accent the importance of some things over others in society. Like weird glasses of voodoo are generally considered more important than Afro hair styles. Or it may have been because acrylics are hard to work with.

Winning bidder will recieve the painting, and a signed certificate of authenticity by me.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Oh, yeah

I'm also writing screenplays.

If you'd like a more updated version of my life, Join me on facebook!
See widget to right.

Bendy has become disgrunted

I have recieved an unjustified feedback. I've contacted Etsy many times. The are quite pleasant but nothing has come of it.

This is the last message of 3 I sent;

Thanks for the prompt replies. I understand feedback is something Etsy takes very seriously. Which is exactly why I'm writing you.
As I mentioned before, this woman had no problem with the craftsmanship of the hat, and even went as far as to say it was exactly as pictured. Yet, she left a negative feedback. And again, if you look at the other feedback she has left, she leaves poor feedback for no other reasons than ones she imagined and have no basis in truth. This person (in my opinion) seems to be a text-book sociopath and has no business leaving libelous comments for sellers for complaints she "imagined" (her own words). This persons actions are absolutely deplorable and I hope Etsy will take the proper measures against this sort of thing.
I believe this is one of those "rare occasions" that you spoke of in which Etsy will remove a feedback. Not only the one on my shop, but also the others this persons may have harmed. I believe if you look into this person's feedbacks further, you will see exactly what I'm talking about, and realize what a gross injustice this has been.
Thank you for your time. I imagine you are very busy, so I do appreciate you getting back so quickly.
Thank you


Mind you, Etsy has been very nice. I have no complaints towards them.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Freestyle Fabulousness.

I've been organizing, tearing things apart and rolling my abundance of scrap yarn.
I'm going to use all of my new found yarn to make freeform hats. They will all be one of a kind hat. All of them well be based on............The Solar System!
Yep. They're going to be awesome.
Freeform crochet allows me an abundance of more freedom. I can capture a storm, crater or any other planetary anomalies.

I want to reinvent my whole shop with this newfound idea. Sooo, almost everything in my shop right now is ten dollars or under!

Here's Jupiter.

Friday, January 23, 2009


I love making tags ? The make such great embellishments!

Buy Handmade

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Super New Awesome

I decided to make another shop in addition to
It's all paper goods. And, it's totally fun!

I made these sweet tags today.


Monday, January 12, 2009


I decided to make a doctors appointment today. Reason being - I want a full body x-ray and a ct scan. You know, just to make sure there's no strange outer space pieces of metal or some unknown substance in my body that is helping some other being track me. Alien or human.

Is anyone even reading my blog ?

Friday, January 9, 2009

You win some. You lose some.


If you didn't get to see my sweet penis treasury, I just made a vagina treasury!

Check it out!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Wowee Zowee.

I was pleasantly surprised when I got out of bed today at 3 pm to see I have comments. I almost peed my pants!

I thought I'd list new items in Etsy today, since I've made ass loads of hats. I made up my backdrop opened the curtains to realize there was barely any light outside. 30 minutes until night time. I was only awake for an hour. You see, I can't use my regular house lights, since my house is lit no better than a run down crack house. So, I used what little glimmer of sun that was left in the sky. There you have it! Crappy photos! You can take a glimpse of these poorly lit snapshots by viewing my newest listings. If I was only graced with the gift of being able to wait.

On the paranormal note, I was watching the new Unsloved Mysteries marathon and there was an excellent segment about the Bermuda Triangle. You know, the 5 planes from Flight 16? So good.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Fun stuff

Seeing as most of the people that will read my blog are probably from Etsy, I would like to make it fun and to fun give-aways. And, I know Etsy people like give-aways. Believe you me.
The items will probably be something from my shop, a t-shirt I've made, one of the strange projects I've done in the past, or something just weird.

So, maybe once a few people start following my blog, I'll start this. I have a terrible feeling that I won't get that many, though. I don't lead a very interesting life. Therefor, my blog will probably be boring.

Yes, yes..

I made this fabulous hat today.


I never thought I'd be able to use my Q hook.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Calling ?

There's an ad on Craigslist right now for a UFO research group out of Worcester. I'm probably going to call them tomorrow. If it's not all creepy, greasy freaks, I'll be more than happy to join them and look at the vast skies for things that are probably not ufos. Gee whiz.

After this phone call takes place I'm going list my sweet new newboys. There's nothing better than these fabulous hats.
Maybe this UFO group will be a good market for my crafts...


So, I'm part of the blogging world. I wanted this blog so bad, I cut copied and pasted all of my info from other sites and posted on here. So bad that I had to erase each of the million periods and turn them into comma's.

I never really wanted a blog before, but the time has come where no one listens to me. I need someone to know what I crochet'd today or about the UFO I saw in the sky today.

Hopefully, I will get some therapeutic value, promotion, and other eyewitnesses.

Also, buy my stuff.